Gas Passing Etiquette for the Workplace:
As with all workplaces, from time to time you will notice the distinct smell of fresh farts in the air, for far too long you've been the victim here folks, now its your turn to strike back, just follow this quick easy guide to harass with gas:
Directions:
-Discretion is the key to victory. That's right folks, three simple words: silent but deadly. Be discreet when dropping a bomb in the workplace, try to avoid the natural sounds of flatulence as this defeats the purpose.
-Whenever possible, try to pass gas in as large of a crowd as possible. This not only maximizes the number of victims offended by your ass blast, but it also makes it far easier to avoid blame. An addendum to this rule is to try to make sure a supervisor or some other authority figure/scapegoat nearby who can take the fall.
-If fart seems unnaturally wet, try to find the "facilities" asap. Do not attempt to harass with your gas in this case.
-Some caution must be taken however when farting in the workplace. Many workplaces these days are scent free environments. Natural scents are considered offensive to some. Also note, some natural scents may linger so try to stay in well ventilated areas to avoid advanced methane deposits from building up. They are a hazard to breathing as well a potentially explosive gas if exposed to a spark.
-Knock'em down when they're goin' up. Elevator farts are a great! Especially when the elevator is empty, in this case, ignore the first rule, let'er rip. Noise is not an issue. Leave a landmine for the next hapless victim to board the cable-car-cube of death.
These simple steps will help you achieve the desired workplace atmosphere in no time at all.
~From the desk of Marcus Matzick~
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