Here is a little Xmas story
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS THE CAPE BRETON VERSION
Twas the night before Christmas in dis Caper house. and nuttin' was stirrin', not even our mouse.
The rest of da family was all fast asleep wit' visions of two-fours delivered by jeep.
Da pit socks was hung by da chiminey wit care in hopes dat Saint Nicolas soon would be dere.
And in da far corner it was lovely to see the keiths cans and bingo dabbers dat hung from da tree.
Ma home from the fish plant and me out on parole, she was snuggled in bed, I was perched on da bowl.
He climbs outta da fireplace and I take a long look, he's just like they show him in my coloring book.
With vodka-glazed eyes and a stomach like a bubble, a five-day-old beard and dere's soot on his stubble.
His teeth when he smiles look like Grampa's weed saw, and he wore tennis shoes big as grizzly bear's paws.
This old Caper elf gives me nothing to fear as he heads for da kitchen for cookies and beer.
He kills off a six pack then belches and smirks, and reaches into the present sack, ready to work.
Now under da tree he's starting to set he most beautiful presents us Capers can get.
Dere's a new breadmaker and snowblower for mother, a steel chainsaw and some Gumboots for brother.
Some mud flaps, CB, and new-used weedwacker, a helmut and nightshirt dat say "cape breton eagles".
He closes up da sack and he jumps in da coals nd hollering "OUCH", up the chiminey he rose.
He grunted and groaned as he tossed out his bag and cracked such a beer fart (ugh) I'm starting to gag.
I must watch him leave so I rushes outside, I looks up at da roof while in the bushes I hide.
And what does I see when I looks through da twigs? A rusted old car body, pulled by eight pigs!
Santa jumped in and he gave'em all hell, Let's go all yous pigs, don't just sit there and smell!"
On Mushy and Lushy and Lempy and Joe and all a yous others what names I don't know.
Fly over Glace Bay and turn to da right, we make Dominion, Reserve before I get tight.
Then I hear him exclaim with a cynical sneer "Pull in at dat Keiths sign, I run outta beer."
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