Monday, October 16, 2006
my creativity focused on things left gone
passing my tastes to new things
the old has gone to rest
why do I ignore my passion
someday I will return my light
this day will become glorious
precious to the average
be held forever in the mind
lay to rest any doubt
become great beyond belief
access new depths
share with everyone the knowledge
enjoy the newfound freedom
happiness to all
love pours out
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Thursday, August 24, 2006
I finally found the disk with some of my old writing on it... hope you like it... enjoy
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I sing to you my words
you listen to me intently
thinking to yourself
but I see it in your eyes
can't hide from each other
needing praise
but one look it's expressed
words put behind
emotion is all that is needed
your soft face
hands slide against me
slowly moving closer
engage in natural motion
all desire waiting to be pleased
never refusing the pleasure
forever gain control
not forcing it out of you
always given to me freely
not having to ask
know by a look
followed by smooth actions
countered by nothing
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I have a need of us
I know you want it too
it shows when we touch
it feels like forever
the next time I come
even when we depart
your with me always
carry you in my chest
even when I work
thoughts only of you
the time we are together
thinking of us while apart
thought of us in each other
holding forever our true love
knowing it lasts forever
but not chancing letting go
on the cold days
I wonder how you feel
pausing to match your stare
follow your gaze back
needy hunger for love
I know the real want you have
felt it when we kiss
melting into each other
following our hearts
nothing can come between us
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my existance thrives with you
continuously on my mind
listening to my dreams
coming closer to you
wondering what your doing
if your thinking of me
do you feel the same as I do
wonder about the same things as me
if our dreams are the same
continuously think of one another
filling me with wonder and light
powerful wings take me up
concentrating on amazing thoughts
searching for my dreams
looking into my mind for answers
seeing your eyes staring at me
delight fills my insides
flowing above my aura
consuming my entire existance
filling me with pleasure
I find it hard to see
pleasure overwealms me
my eyes closing
drifing me off to my dreams
consumed peacefully by my thoughts
ending my troublesome day
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for my love my darling
full of love and tasting sweet
lookig at your lovely beauty
gazing eyes and flowing hair
be with me forever holding
no wonderment knowing peace
full of thought carressing your mind
your mind feels me
your body follows
in me I will always keep
saying careful words
being greatful for your touch
the words expressed to you
can only mean one thing
and I want you to know
your with me always
in heart mind and soul
when we come together
fireflies will shine
diamonds mean nothing
love more precious than gold
everything in common
words thoughts actions
share all our delights
know each others fear
together forget them all
being each others strength
nothing else matters
and everyone will know
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does it ever suprise you when you come home
to find your girl talking on the phone
you don't know who she is taking to
such a shame cause if you only knew
you shouldn't be very upset
because I will make her happy I bet
please her in every way possible
and not holding you responsible
you shouldn't keep working so late
you must have to much on you plate
she must have seen your secretary
or she wouldn't want to be with me
always using some lame excuse
but never choosing a good one to use
"the boss is going to timbuctoo"
or "I'm the only one he'll talk to"
instead of telling you she's leaving
she calls me for some afternoon pleasing
milks you for the money and things
and calls me fore the sex I brings
for now all she has is suspicion
when she catches you she'll put you in submission
if you decide to change your ways
you might get back some of her praise
but it is probably to late
for I have her eating off my plate
and now you'll never get her back
because she likes my afternoon snack
when will you ever learn
to her your only money to burn
soon it will be time to leave her
you good for nothing cheater
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reaching over I gently touch
anticipating love and such
wanting to make my move
though not sure if you approve
thinking of what I will do
knowing all I want is you
leaning closer I see that smile
finding you want it all this while
I touch your amr and simply say
something nice to have my way
I lick my lips and touch them to yours
showing you how my love pours
feel you tenderly kiss me back
and reach around to hold me back
kissing harder wanting to please
hoping and thinking not to tease
but thinking that could be fun
but don't cause you may be the one
pick you up and turn around
feel you reach and touch my mound
I know it's time to lay you down
I slowly slip off your gown
you get back and take off my belt
longing just to make you melt
waiting slowly as my pants fall
pushing you gently against the wall
kissing your neck I hear you moan
whispering what you like to be shown
moving down accross your breast
soon I'll get to the rest
I pause a moment and see you frown
I quickly continue going down
slip your panties to the floor
you shiver as you wait for more
put my tongue along your fold
sharing with you our perfect mold
you reach down and touch my head
I pick you up, lay you on the bed
continue on where I left before
hear you say that you want more
further on with gentle licking
liquid pours and sweat is mixing
wonderful sounds I begin to hear
take me take me take me dear
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I feel alone when your not here
but not afraid cause you are near
a perfect love for me to hold
the greatest story I should have told
my love for you I do confess
so strong for you I am a mess
I want you more with every touch
make you moan scream pant and such
I pass to you my warm embrace
longing for you face to face
responding to your waiting hold
getting closer till I unload
a most wonderful feeling of loving passion
above below in any fashion
grabbing you close to me
faster and faster so you can see
I put my hands a little lower
creeping along you so much slower
picking you up off your feet
putting you down upon your seat
getting down by your side
now I know just where to hide
A love from you I simply need
knowing that it is guaranteed
locking lips just to sample
shocking taste but not to ample
making more noise for your glee
exotic tales people wish to see
the more I get from your desire
feel like walking on high wire
in my heart forever will be
keeping a place for you inside me
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watching your every move
calm and peacefully
breath by breath
in and out slowly
silently see you quiver
as I touch your hair
run my hand down our spine
calmly teasing your quiet body
pleasing your twitching smile
exausted from great pleasure
holding close for the night
as though our minds are connected
you open your mind to me
I see our passion again
wanting to show you more
but tired and unsure
wanting to wake you
but not wanting to disturb
enjoying your tranquilness
remembering hours before
I close my eyes to see again
our love enfolding us
then I feel you turn
kiss you gently on your face
held tighter by your dream
never wanting it to end
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my love for you eternal
though I don't know who you are
searching for you everyday
with each passing hour
wondering where to find you
hoping you are near
I wake each day dreaming
and longing to hold you close
for all I am not lonely
but craving companionship
a love for all to see
cause I'm the type to show
compliment you and hold you tight
full of wonder and tenderness
as though you are a dream
love in a way never possible
but only considering your needs
endless days and nights
passion forever keep
knowing love be returned
for nothing comes between you and me
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so we walk together
follow our hearts and dreams
holding hands and keeping stride
going every where but in no direction
not seeing anyone else
hearing only each other
talking about our hopes and dreams
sharing them all together
our hearts taking us places
for we can find ourselves
together always and forever
and never be alone again
waiting for our chance to be
in a special type of spot
when we sit together in that place
we know it is forever
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following your every wish
sending opinions back to you
getting hotter by the minute
setting our souls on fire
radiant heat pushing us further
knowing how far we can go
this time is different
not going to stop
wanting it all this time
pushing our limits
make it last longer
make it hurt a little more
painfull bliss
shadow of things to come
making dreams come true
exotic passion
impossile to set free
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my mind for you
straining to listen
thinking impure thoughts
change them into possitive
letting you know them
know you can't resist
begin to show actions aloud
hear you squeal your delight
share our thoughts more
I can't think strait
you consume me
nothing matters but you
I feel you within
know you do also
gaining access to your body
entering just to tease
your smile pleasing
show it to me always
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wanting love but needing none
feel special when your around
thinking but knowing nothing
wandering aimlessly into a void
following only dreams and memories
wondering what to do next
not wanting to fall into a trap
seeing only your flowing hair
your smile keeps me sane
keeping my dreams with me always
but clinging to reality
facing the changes that must come
hoping they include you
seeing you in my mind again
never letting it go
forever hold you within me
embraced forever back
swallowing my pride and going forth
not looking back for my mistakes
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I walk down to the seashore
pondering thoughts as I walk
finding within me
my dreams and fantasies
seeing them enfold possibilities
wandering in a path towards destiny
thinking of my goals to achieve
find out that they can be reached
through hard work and determination
restricted by only a weak mind
foolish thoughts never taken
listen only to my instinct
as the waves begin to engulf my feet
I come back to reality
knowing what must come next
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when I look in your eyes
I see wonderful images
fragments of our love
I fall deeply into thought
fexated on your stroking touch
sounds filter in my mind
our passion so deep
a need for your body
falling through clouds
down towards you
seeing you again
gazing back at me
hear you say my name
feel you touch my face
needing you now
getting closer to you
nothing between us
carress you mind
fondle your body
kiss your lips
smell your fragrance
mind let go
share each other
find our way together
intertwine as one
bonded forever
taking us beyond measure
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wondering where you are
feeling for you again
need to know the truth
wait for wonders to come
grow to know myself
say all my thoughts out loud
not knowing what they mean
try to decypher my feelings
saving myself for the one
one day I shall have you
until that day I dream
wonderful thoughts kick in
tell me what I need to know
selling me on ideas
always keeping my goal
again I follow my heart
saying what's on my mind
showing the true side
I need for you to see
this is where we belong
growing true together
bond forever as we should
know each other intimately
acting on our instincts
show how much we care
please each other more
together till the end
an end that will never come
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wonderful feelings of you and me
greatful for the time we spend
share all out thoughts and wants
know where we stand in life
find what we need to know
show each other these things
follow what we know is true
hoping not to go to fast
slow is the only way to go
explore all things that follow
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I am no longer wanting you
come to find we are through
we have had our times
just like grandfather clock chimes
I whis I coul have something to say
but feel absolutely no reason to stay
I have come to hate the way I feel
and hope over time my heart will heal
there was a time you were for me
you have opened my eyes wide to see
I want to move on and grow
hoping in time my love can show
for someone a lot better than you
make me feel one instead of two
one that I feel like floating above
one I won't mind giving love
the greatest love that I can give
that makes me embrace and live
to love, charish and hold forever
lovingly kiss and make love whenever
say I love you and be with me
and have lover returned for eternity
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Friday, August 04, 2006
when does one stop to think
breaking into the mind
open the veins let the thoughts flow
reality is a myth
open the gates let the mind be free
wander in my aura my head expands
fill me with your mutual feelings
let us grow together become united
building energy till we explode
escaping so called reality
horizons becoming limitless
new visions seeking footholds
clamp them and soar through the sky
the world becomes small
lifting into what is ones reality
sadness left behind
new beginnings are unfolding
comfort sets in and life is good
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Thursday, July 27, 2006
I rest I dream
washing of sins
dirty is the calm
rest is eventual
we eventually become clean
cleansing wounds
sometimes everyone wins
why do we try
where do we belong
enjoy the company
become what you need to be
perfect wonderment
thinking always
shady thoughts
bring forth reality
stay in the moment
crave destiny
manage the emotions
the brain overcomes
begin anew
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ask me to show you the world
I'll show you a smile
tell a joke and hear your smile grow
grow till it is finally heard by all
laughter is the remedy, the key
I promise to let it show
feed it more love so it never grows stale
a smile heals the pain
leads to a kiss
show me your life
I'll help make your life wonderful again
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among the many treasures in life
hides the love we look for
kept away for only the ones that choose to look
now becomes the time of all
looking but taking forever to find
I searched and clawed my way
and was rewarded with the prize
time went by and the prize grew tired
excitment was needed but seemed to be lost
shaken and needing something new
the prize became hidden again
worthy of so much better but only for one
the clawing begins again
the loss of the needed prize awakens life
searching begins again for the lost prize
I'll never give up
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
=============================================================================
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
this blog has been converted from a community of approximatly 15 people to the owner... of course that is me... I've saved what I feel are the better or funny posts from the people that were using this blog.... It was put to rest because of inactivity... I feel sorry about that but as it goes that is what was nessesary..... I will need to go into my creativity and start up my stories.... that will happen soon.... I've finally been through the previous posts... there were aprox 2500 of them I've brought that down to 38... wow... took me a long while so now that that's over with I'll see what I can come up with in stories.... talk to you all soon....
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Thursday, March 04, 2004
Friday, February 13, 2004
I got this wellness email in my Stream email today and it was about V-day and it has tips for ppl in relationships, and for singles. This was in the singles section:
4) If you spend the day alone, take care of yourself. Spend it practicing some self-love. Get a massage, prepare a special meal for yourself, see a good movie, or read a good book.
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Sunday, February 08, 2004
Anyone know where I can get ignition wires for a 92 cavalier? I checked Canadian Trash and they don't have any in stock they are custom order anyone else have any ideas?
o and don't forget to poke the penguin, i have added him to the webpage, im gonna update the layout again..... i find navagating through it to be a pain, and it will save some space.
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Thursday, January 22, 2004
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some
individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the
course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will be no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize
the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings
when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that
proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner
without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Blow me. Ha! Too bad. > >
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
Thank You, Human Resources
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Tuesday, January 20, 2004
frontpage sux... but there are quite a few freebies out there.... I suggest starting with
www.geocities.com ... I think they support frontpage... many others are:
www.fortunecity.com this one is my fav but not sure if they still work
www.owns1.com this one is great cept the ads are horrible
www.brinkster.com this one is really good but their bandwidth sux for free accounts
www.tripod.com
www.angelfire.com
www.tryme.com but yew might get page cannot be displayed
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Thursday, January 15, 2004
some sad reasons why marcus is a pervert
10. being a pervert is easier than actually having a woman
9. can be a pervert just by having a book or glancing around
8. can use it as an excuse to say anything... anytime
7. if you let it be known then most people will leave you alone
6. when your a pervert... people are always willing to reach out and touch (slap) you
5. internet porn becomes an entirely new fantasy
4. cybersex... nuff said
3. having a cheech marin mustache
2. do ya really need to have an excuse to be a pervert?
1. self proclaimed to be a pervert (saying I love sex)
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Most functional word
Well, it's shit........
That's right, shit! Shit may just be the most functional
word in the English language.
Consider this:
You can be shit faced,
Shit out of luck,
Or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together,
Find a place for your shit
Or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit,
Buy shit, sell shit,
Lose shit, find shit,
Forget shit,
And tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit, While others can't tell
the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits,
Dumb shits, Crazy shits,
And sweet shits.
There is bull shit, Horse shit And chicken shit.
You can throw shit, Sling shit,
Catch shit,
Shoot the shit,
Or duck when shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit
Or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit
Or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, Some days are hotter than shit,
And some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,
Things can look like shit,
And there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, Not enough shit,
The right shit, The wrong shit,
Or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit,
Have a mountain of shit,
Or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit, And other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts,
It's the basic building block of creation.
And remember, once you know your shit,
You don't need to know anything else!
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Friday, January 09, 2004
Only in Cape Breton
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers he window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Bob, it's winter in Cape Breton, and I'm driving the damn SAND TRUCK!
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Thursday, January 08, 2004
I'm sorry the previous deleted message is now reinstated.... I thought it was marcus that added it lololol
Man's Apartment Encased in Aluminum Foil
AP
Thu Jan 8, 2:18 PM ET
OLYMPIA, Wash. - What kind of friends coat your apartment — and nearly everything in it — with tinfoil while you're away? Here's a hint: One of the only objects that escaped the shiny treatment was a book titled "Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends."
Chris Kirk found his downtown Olympia apartment encased in aluminum foil when he returned home Monday night from a trip to Los Angeles.
The walls, ceiling, cabinets and everything in between shimmered, after the prank orchestrated by Kirk's longtime friend, Luke Trerice, 26, who was staying in the apartment while Kirk was away.
"He's known for large-scale strangeness," Kirk, 33, told The Olympian. "He warned me that he would be able to touch my stuff, but it didn't sound so bad."
Trerice, who lives in Las Vegas, and a small group of friends draped the apartment with about 4,000 square feet of aluminum foil, which cost about $100.
Not surprisingly, the idea was hatched on New Year's Eve.
"It was just a spur of the moment thing," Trerice said. "I really don't even consider it art. I consider it a psychology project. ... He seems to be upbeat, so I consider this a success. "
No detail was too small or too time-consuming. The toilet paper was unrolled, wrapped in foil, then rolled back up again. The friends covered Kirk's book and compact disc collections but made sure each CD case could open and shut normally. They even used foil on each coin in Kirk's spare change.
And to sweeten the theme, they left silver Hershey's kisses sprinkled throughout the apartment.
"The toilet was hard. The molding around the doorways took a very long time," Trerice said.
Aside from "Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends," which doesn't include this particular trick, only a portrait of his girlfriend, the bed and a bath mat were left unfoiled.
"He took special pains not to move anything," Kirk said.
A foil-encased picture hanging outside his apartment was Kirk's first clue that something inside was amiss.
"I heard him open the door and gasp and start laughing," said Beth Kelly, who lives in an apartment down the hall. "I love the quarters. It's almost more funny realizing the things that were left unwrapped."
Andras Jones, who lives on the same floor, became curious about what was transpiring in Kirk's apartment as he noticed "a parade of strange characters" going in and out.
Since Kirk's return the entire building has been buzzing about the transformation, Jones said.
"There's a party atmosphere down by the room," Jones said. "Of course, everyone has their favorite part. I think the kitchen is just amazing."
Kirk's awestruck neighbors and friends kept him up until late Monday night. He hasn't started unpacking his belongings and isn't sure when he will. "
"As I was trying to sleep last night, I realized that, actually, it's creepy," Kirk said.
And as for whether Trerice will ever be allowed to stay again at the apartment unsupervised, Kirk said: "I don't know. We'll see."
But Trerice hopes Kirk will find a way to get him back.
"I'm going to be insulted if he doesn't try," Trerice said. "It's kind of a challenge."
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Friday, January 02, 2004
Friday, December 19, 2003
Pam is the most fucked tool ever? Is that any way to talk to a lady?
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Tuesday, December 16, 2003
The Most Functional Word
Well, it's shit........
That's right, shit! Shit may just be the most functional
word in the English language.
Consider this:
You can be shit faced, like a drunk persn
Shit out of luck, like Joe's dad
Or have shit for brains. like marcus
With a little effort, you can get your shit together, if your smart enough
Find a place for your shit, in the basement.. if you dont have one in the barn
Or decide to shit or get off the pot... hopefully your done before you get off
You can smoke shit, like cheech and chong did on their movie
Buy shit, sell shit, though I'd rather sell shit.. why would I want to have shit? it smells
Lose shit, find shit, lets lose it all .. and I"m not finding the pooper scooper
Forget shit, Joe does that all the time
And tell others to eat shit and die. perhaps americans can do this one
Some people know their shit, well from this post marcus knows all about shit
While others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola. what's shineola????
There are lucky shits, is this when your in church and yew have a wet fart?
Dumb shits, perhaps this is the wet fart that is in a crowd and someone notices
Crazy shits, this is the person that shits himself jumping out of a plane
And sweet shits. I hope there is no such thing
There is bull shit, actiontec modems are great
Horse shit (but I dont believe that)
And chicken shit. yes they run away and ya dont gotta werry bout smellin that they shit themsevles
You can throw shit, hopefully you use a shovel
Sling shit, in the other direction
Catch shit, I dont recomend this it could go all over yerself
Shoot the shit, umm this means it's in yer mouth
Or duck when shit hits the fan. similar to catch the shit only it's unexpected
You can give a shit... please give it to the toilet
Or serve shit on a shingle. how did you get on the roof?
You can find yourself in deep shit . long as it's not over yer neckk you might still have a chance
Or be happier than a pig in shit. in which case your already covered in it.. y ew disgust me
Some days are colder than shit, well at least it's rock hard
Some days are hotter than shit, eewwwww slimy and runny
And some days are just plain shitty. yeah like the hot ones
Some music sounds like shit, though I've never heard shit talk.. perhaps your reffering to farts yeah thats bad
Things can look like shit, ever seen green slimy stuff? no? marcus can show you a picture I"m sure
And there are times when you feel like shit. I'll not comment to this as shit (I hope) has no feelings
You can have too much shit, not in my opinion
Not enough shit, well I suppose
The right shit, is there such a thing?
The wrong shit, if your lucky ya dont
Or a lot of weird shit. is that like jackass... being inside a portipotty turned upside down?
You can carry shit, though again I wouldn't wanna
Have a mountain of shit, as long as your on top
Or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle. hopefully your in the boat
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit, dont you wish that was gold (like the fairy tale)
and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose. ...
or you could just eat shit and be done with it :P
(edited by siteowner) LeeEeeMuR
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I wish I knew what the hell was going on here.
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Monday, December 15, 2003
The E-Mail Wonderland
A little tension-breaker for the Holiday Season...
(try singing this out loud at work!)
Another "ping",
Are you listenin'?
The puter screen,
Is a glistenin'.
With icons so bright,
They light up the night,
Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!
Gone away,
Are the hall talks.
Here to stay,
Is the IN-BOX.
Flagged "urgent, please read!",
And "answer with speed!".
Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!
In the morning e-mails start to add up.
No lunch today cause messages abound.
Just click away and hope the server stays up.
You can't do your job if it goes down.
10 P.M.,
You're not tired.
The caffeine,
Has got you wired.
The day's not complete,
Till the last delete,
Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!
In the morning e-mails start to add up,
No lunch today cause messages abound.
Just click away and hope the server stays up.
You can't do your job if it goes down.
Until you,
Are retired,
The same old grind,
It is required.
You'll face unafraid,
That message parade.
Welcome to the e-mail wonderland.
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Sunday, December 14, 2003
Hey. I just joined. Not because I want to, but because Joe made me. So to get my on back, here's two cheap pops at Joe, or "LeeEeeMur" as no one ever really calls him.
- He's a cheap drunk, and if anyone ever needs and proof of this just try and feed him a vodka jelly. They stir up some bad memories. Or at least they should do. There's nothing Joe won't tell you after 2 pints and a vodka jelly, but be warned, you only have about a minute between his life story and him throwing up.
- He says "lmao" way too much, but you probably all knew that already.
By the way, my name isn't really Randy Buckmaster, I just don't give out personal information to randon people. Would be cool if it was though, wouldn't it?
So, err, yeah. See ya.
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Thursday, December 11, 2003
Gas Passing Etiquette for the Workplace:
As with all workplaces, from time to time you will notice the distinct smell of fresh farts in the air, for far too long you've been the victim here folks, now its your turn to strike back, just follow this quick easy guide to harass with gas:
Directions:
-Discretion is the key to victory. That's right folks, three simple words: silent but deadly. Be discreet when dropping a bomb in the workplace, try to avoid the natural sounds of flatulence as this defeats the purpose.
-Whenever possible, try to pass gas in as large of a crowd as possible. This not only maximizes the number of victims offended by your ass blast, but it also makes it far easier to avoid blame. An addendum to this rule is to try to make sure a supervisor or some other authority figure/scapegoat nearby who can take the fall.
-If fart seems unnaturally wet, try to find the "facilities" asap. Do not attempt to harass with your gas in this case.
-Some caution must be taken however when farting in the workplace. Many workplaces these days are scent free environments. Natural scents are considered offensive to some. Also note, some natural scents may linger so try to stay in well ventilated areas to avoid advanced methane deposits from building up. They are a hazard to breathing as well a potentially explosive gas if exposed to a spark.
-Knock'em down when they're goin' up. Elevator farts are a great! Especially when the elevator is empty, in this case, ignore the first rule, let'er rip. Noise is not an issue. Leave a landmine for the next hapless victim to board the cable-car-cube of death.
These simple steps will help you achieve the desired workplace atmosphere in no time at all.
~From the desk of Marcus Matzick~
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